Frank Spartan

Introduction
Hey, my name is Frank Spartan, and you either hate me or really hate me, I mean the only reason you would like me is like a lot of protagonists I have a crappy life, and I don’t mean my parents are dead crappy but just my life is crappy.

I have no job, no money, no house, no TV and I don't have a six-pack the list just goes on, oh I forgot I have no dreams anyways.

My life is crap and I only feel it going to get crappier, I mean it will after you see this. *Slam book on the table*, the professor says "Ok class you need to read my book, you put pay 1000 dollars or you won’t pass the class as you need this to do homework, have a nice day everyone”, no context.

Confused, are you? Well I said I was homeless not college-less, also you might be wondering why I go to college or how, well since this whole story is just going to be exposition, my mom paid for my classes and no, she doesn't know I'm homeless. I told I live with grandma, but frankly I felt uncomfortable; I don't want to break anything of theirs since I wouldn't have no way to repay and I would just feel guilty.

I don't mind being put to the street, if it is just me alone, I don't want anyone coming after me. Anyways I have to find a way to get this money and I am not asking for help and I can't let my mom or they will regret paying an extra dime on this dump of a dumpster child anyways.

How am I going to get the money I'm not really good at anything, I don't even have a driver license, no karate skills, no nothing. I could do so easy job that would take my souls but I don't have too much free-time, that conversation with my professor was three mouths ago and the marking period almost over, which means I will fail all classes, I'm the hero so there must be some magic that would save me.

Oh wait! I just got this idea, that magically came up! See? Told you some magic would come in! Since there are a lot of paranoid people that have a bunch of money to spare, I could say I’m ghostbuster. Nah, it can’t just be for ghosts and demons it has to attract ALL the crazies like aliens and maybe serial killers. I don’t know what to call it, so I will go with “Superdupernautral Alien Buster of All Things”, the name needs work, I know, but it should work.

Man, that was a lot of stuff. Anyone wants/needs some help? I will do it for 2, I mean 5, I mean 10, yeah 10 dollars a sucker that just means ten customers. I've been here all night still no one wants to help from the “S.D.N.A.B.O.A.T”... SDNABOAT man the name really needs some work.

Anyway, I’m about to call it quits unless someone calls me for a crazy job. Wait, who the heck is that guy doing? Walking too weirdly... trying to steal my money I bet! oh wait I have no money... I say to him:

”What do you want pal?”

”So, you can deal with any type of problem?"

"As long is it legal."

”It's not.'

I ask if it is drugs, and he confirms, I refuse and go back to my glasshouse, I know I'm a hypocrite but a glasshouse is better than no house.

But then, I see aliens, you must be wondering how I know they are aliens, it's because of their green and glowing skin. They shot me with a ray gun.

How the heck did we get to aliens to be in the story? End of Frank Spartan comic 1#! Psych! Haha you thought that's how I was going to end the story? Nah! That would be a dumb cliff hanger, seriously, I don't have that much hope I would even get a second comic, series, movie or whatever. The point is, I'm milking this first one out.

Anyways, back to the story. They asked me if I was Frank Spartan, and of course, I said who wants to know (but to be honest I just screamed but not like a little girl) *shows frank screaming like a little girl*. They said they were in need of help, apparently they were mind readers and knew that I said yes or was it the hologram that showed my face and everything? Me, very scared, said:

"What do you want?”

They said that they heard I was in charge of the “Superdupernautral Alien Buster of All Things” or otherwise know as “S.D.N.A.B.O.A.T” so they looked for my address and came here.

I said "Damn it!" in my mind, as it was just there in the documents, it was for my parents to think I live here not aliens! They said they were looking to get home, they will pay me a billion killion minaejnioere dollars (whatever that last one means don’t try to read it alien language too cool for you and also me); with this money I knew I could get my book, a TV, six-pack and a house of my own; that would be all my flaws gone.

Anyway, I agree to help them. Because I’m awesome and not because of the fear of death or the money. So they told me their stuff was in area 51, or was it 71? Anyway they teleported me there, and no, I didn't ask why they didn't teleport themselves because I needed money.

So the plan was to get to their ship and leave with it. But how do I fly it? They gave me a manual that I didn't read because I didn't have time, I needed that money no waiting period with the aliens need to get home, get that book and get my life on track, no time, but oh crap how will I fly it?

Then shit doodles! Maybe I am not cut it to do this, I mean shit, can't I just tell my parents to pay, or something, for the book, the money I don't need, crap, but nah, I came too far already why give up? Also I think I would be arrested or killed! So it all or nothing!

* Frank runs to look for the ship, when a guard tells him "Hey, stop!". Then Frank uses the teleport the aliens gave him on the guard and he accidentally aim it at his gun*. I'm lucky! Imagine if I teleported him! Then the guard rang the alarm and I said "Crap!", and started running when I see other aliens in other rooms!

I can use the teleport to free these aliens, right? They can't all be evil, also even if they are, they can deal with the guards! With that, I zap all the aliens' door, let them free and they start following me. I guess the aliens just want to go home but I thought they would just spread out and cause chaos but I guess.

Before I could say anything else, a blob-like alien eats a guard. I start shooting a random guard with the teleporter, we find the spaceship, I jumped in and all aliens followed. Then I ask if any of them knew how to work this thing, and no, none of the aliens understood his language and then I remembered that only the aliens I met can speak my language for some reason.

Anyway, I might as well just use this teleporting thing. However, before I could do anything, a many arms alien screamed and pointed to the teleporter, and I saw it said "to Jupiter" and I realized that was where all the things went… and the people too.

I changed it to my grandma's address and teleported the ship. It fell on top of her house, destroyed most of it and waked up everyone to a messy house. When I wake up, all the aliens and the ship was gone, but I found a note saying “Thank you and your reward is right there.” and I saw a bunch of rocks. Then I realizes... that was my payment... seeing as there was billion or a lot more of it piled up, which was next to the rock. My grandma and my cousin came out and saw me with a billion questions. The end of comic 1# for real this time.